Kinda lonely..

I really wish people would 'talk' to me sometimes. Most of the time, people just walk past me and only see what's on the outside. I have always heard from people that talking to someone and saying it all out sometimes makes you feel better. It gives you that funny feeling of content, even though you know at the back of your mind that what is to happen, is to happen.

Coming back, I really wish I get to spill it all out to someone. Someone who doesn't mind it at all and willingly listens to me. I have some good friends to talk to, but then, I don't know. I don't get that 'yes-you-are-the-right-person' feeling with any of them. Besides, someone whom I really want to talk to, seems to be absolutely dis-interested in talking. Will I ever get to talk to someone? Hell, I feel kinda lonely today.

I generally talk to quite a few number of people daily. But that's about it. I do my work, I talk to people to get my work done, people talk to me and get their work done. That's about it. There are the occassional cricket, college, exam, picnic talks but then, am I really in the scheme of things? No.

How life has changed. Whatever happened to the boy I used to be? I was once fun loving, carefree and full of life. But now I look out upon the world and see nothing. To me the world is empty, full of waste. It's so strange, I travel in the Local trains everyday and there are so many people around me. Hell lot of people, so many people to talk to. I have so many friends in office, college, school... and still I find myself lonely. Alone sitting & waiting for things to happen.

I wonder, will this ever change? Or rather I should ask, why and how did this happen at the first place? I never thought I would end up writing this blog. It hurts me when I see close friends going far away from me. But who is to be blamed? It's not those close friends I guess, it's me. Yeah, don't know why but it's me.

I think I know what went wrong. I think I also know what do I need to do to get over this all. But that's about it, I just know it. Am not doing it. Rather, it just doesn't happen. And what's more, things start getting worse. It's 12.45 AM currently. I should be studying at this time for my ongoing exams and not blogging on how lonely I feel in life today. But guess that's how it works, you know. It's a vicious circle. 

One thing is for sure. Though I am feeling sad today, there is always a silver lining somewhere. Am looking for that small little glimmer of hope. Hope things get better, sooner. And once it happens, that feeling will be really delightful. After all, How do you know what happiness is if you have never been sad?

Anyone listening?